Getting hammered

by Jennifer on March 26, 2008

Today I ordered presents for my sister’s birthday. She makes it very handy for me to shop for her by maintaining a current and thorough Amazon wish list (and expects the same of me, so I oblige). I know that whatever I pick from her list will be something that she wants, maybe needs, and will certainly appreciate. I can’t go wrong.

On her list, I found the Lifehammer Original Emergency Hammer:


You’ve seen the ads. This handy little tool will cut you out of your seat belt after you’ve driven off the one and only bridge you’ll ever drive off of in your life. The steel hammer heads will break through a car window so you can swim to safety! It will even shave your legs, catch a fish, finish writing your novel, or make an omelet if Search and Rescue doesn’t find you for a couple of days. And so on. It’s one of those things I know I should have, but never get around to buying.

I ordered it for Ducky, because she wanted it, and I love her that much. Obviously, more than my own sorry self.

But in the process of ordering, I ended up with two in my shopping bag, along with the other things I was ordering.

I was on the phone with her, asking her what to order telling her what I was ordering (we’re not good with surprises), so she heard my grumbling as I tried to remove the second item. Amazon wouldn’t let me. I checked boxes, unchecked boxes, cursed, clicked and clacked, but still couldn’t get rid of the extra one.

“I’ll just order two,” I finally said, exasperated.

“Well, I could put one in Mr. Ducky’s van,” Ducky said. Then, “No, cancel it. We’ll get another one later.”

I tried again. Still there.

I started to feel a little weird about dumping the extra one. “Seriously, don’t you think the universe is telling us something, if I can’t delete one of these stupid bastards tools? Maybe you’re supposed to have two.”

“No, no, it’s not telling us anything,” Ducky sighed, unwilling to concede that an internet shopping basket would bend to the whims of a cosmic force. “Why don’t you just delete the order and start over?”

So I did. She’s my big sister, and she can be kinda bossy. (That’s a compliment. Ask her.) And now one LifeHammer is on its happy way to save Ducky’s life should the need arise.

But now… I’m vaguely worried gripped with fear that Mr. Ducky will be the one to go off the bridge and he won’t have a LifeHammer. Good thing he got this book one Christmas:


It won’t help him cut his seatbelt or break a window, but it might help him fend off a mountain lion, if the two scenarios are combined. Also, Mr. Ducky is a pastor, so I’m sure a quick prayer or two would come into play, and he does have some carpentry skills. (That would be useful, no?)

“You do know,” I said to Ducky, “that we’re totally getting him one for Christmas, right?”

So, Mr. Ducky, be careful on bridges for the next 9 months. Or, if I were you? I’d start driving Ducky’s car. I could swear I heard her mumbling something about life insurance.*


*This is a complete lie. She wasn’t mumbling. No, seriously, I made it up. Really. (Gotta run. Ducky’s coming after me with her brand new Fear-for-your-LifeHammer.)

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

cce March 26, 2008 at 3:22 am

Very clever tool and gift…I mean seriously, one never knows what the day may bring. Here’s hoping Mr. Ducky has some pull with the man upstairs and all terrain tires on that vehicle of his.


Ducky March 26, 2008 at 3:30 am

I got further proof of my bossiness yesterday during a leadership seminar at work. At my age, I accept it and move on.

We’re not very good with surprises, and we’re not very good with dates, either. But that’s a whole other post (as is also the point of maintaining a current Amazon wish list, which works as well at birthday time as it does in reminding me of books I’d like to read and music I’d like to listen to. I use it more than anyone.).

I thought you were the one who mentioned life insurance.


Kelley March 26, 2008 at 7:12 am

Oh, great. Now I am worried because *you* don’t have the Life Hammer, either. Freaking great, woman.


HRH March 26, 2008 at 7:56 am

I will keep Mr. Ducky in my prayers.


Jenn @ Juggling Life March 26, 2008 at 8:02 am

Hmmm. What does it say about me that I own both the book and the tool?


Melissa March 26, 2008 at 8:11 am

That’s just the thing for the man who has everything!


Meg March 26, 2008 at 8:13 am

Now, THAT is an interesting tool!


Suzanne March 26, 2008 at 8:59 am

I think the fact that you couldn’t remove it was a clear sign from God.

Therefore you should either keep the second hammer for yourself or send to Mr. Ducky.

Now of course, we’re all going to be obsessing over whether we too need one of these hammers.



Daryl E March 26, 2008 at 9:31 am

I think this is a brilliant gift .. however I truly DETEST .. someday I will blog about why suffice it to say even thinking about it makes my BP soar .. bakcing away from the thought.

One thing bothers me . if this is kept in the glove compartment and you do need it in an emergency .. how do you get to it?

I’m just sayin’


Jennifer Harvey March 26, 2008 at 10:13 am

Daryl E, I think one is supposed to attach it with Velcro to the area next to the gear shift? They don’t provide Velcro, but it seems to be the only way to be sure that it’s right there when you need it.

Suzanne, I know! It seemed like a sign to me, too. But, in reality, it was probably just a sign from Amazon to buy more stuff!


Mrs. G. March 26, 2008 at 10:27 am

I think I could use a Life Hammer in my purse. The possibilities are endless.


Motherhood for Dummies March 26, 2008 at 11:09 am

oh I have seen those in the Delta inflight magazines! Those are pretty cool and I keep thinking it would probably be good to have one!


ByJane March 26, 2008 at 12:45 pm

I would never have been able to cancel the second one, so sure am I that the universe speaks through all manner of things!


Nicole P March 26, 2008 at 12:48 pm

I have heard of those tools.
Don’t tell my husband or we will have 12 of them. He is a paranoid son of a gun and is always worried about the worst case scenario (which is not necessarily a bad thing unless the worry consumes a person, with him it does sometimes).
He wants me…ME… get certified to carry a concealed weapon…as in a hand gun… that I can shoot someone if they try to attack me at Walmart.
I keep telling him that I think pepper spray would be just fine.
But what do I know?


Sandy (Momisodes) March 26, 2008 at 3:43 pm

That is a great gift!!! I heard about them on the radio, and have been meaning to get one ever since. But you’re right, I just never got around to it. If my husband finds out about this, he’ll go out and buy 1 for every reachable area while sitting in the car…just. in. case.


JCK March 26, 2008 at 3:54 pm

This life hammer thing. It seems like a necessary item. Ahh…the possibilities. Do you think kids would like it? To hammer on each other? The color is quite attractive, perhaps with a large red clutch?


Crazycath March 26, 2008 at 4:03 pm

You two have a really cool relationship. You’re best friends. It shines through!

I’ve got an award for you at my place if you would like to come over and pick it up. :0)


flutter March 26, 2008 at 4:16 pm

and that is the biggest hammer of them all


Brenda March 26, 2008 at 7:34 pm

Thank goodness for Amazon wish lists. Like you’d ever come up with an idea like that on your own.

Darly E: I detest am?, too. Had a VERY bad pre-holiday experience and only do B& now.


HappyCampers March 28, 2008 at 1:17 pm

My mom once locked herself INSIDE the car & trust me, we never let her live this down. It was a brand new car & she couldn’t figure out the unlock button, and in a panic, kept hitting “lock”. She was in the garage, without a garage door opener, & my dad was out of town. So funny now, but she was seconds away from kicking out a car window!

Anyway–as a joke one Christmas we bought this hammer for her! She keeps it in her car just in case. I actually think it’s a cool idea!!


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