Sleeping in (a letter to my children)

by Jennifer on March 29, 2008

pillow.jpgTo my dear, beloved children,

As you pretend to know, Saturday is the one day of the week when Mommy gets to sleep in. I don’t have to set the alarm for 6:30 or drag your sweet little bottoms out of bed to go to school. I buy your favorite doughnuts, so you have a treat to eat while you’re watching Saturday morning TV. I make sure that the contents of the dishwasher are clean so that you won’t have to look for a clean cup to pour milk into.

All of this, so that on Saturday, Mommy can get a couple of extra hours of sleep. All of this, so that your mommy is a little less crazy and cranky the rest of the week. One day, one morning. It’s not so much to ask.

Ergo, today must not be Saturday, after all. If it were, I would only just now (2 1/2 hours after you decided to get up at 6:00), be making coffee and starting to read new posts from all of my blogging friends. If it were Saturday, I would not have had to broker a complex negotiation between two opposing factions of the H family at 6:50 this morning. If it were Saturday, I would not have had to re-explain the terms of the treaty just 30 minutes later. And if it were Saturday, I wouldn’t have had to say these things 17 thousand times:

“Boy, stop chasing your sister around the house with your remote controlled car! And Girl, stop screaming! It’s 7:20 in the morning! And stop fighting over that piece of Styrofoam! Styrofoam for godsake!No, I’m not going to decide right now who gets to have it!” Rinse, repeat. And repeat again. Sorry for yelling. I’m sorry, I am.

Chaos + yelling = No more sleep

So, yes, things got better when I finally gave up on sleep and asked you both to come snuggle with me. I felt guilty for the yelling and I apologized. You apologized too, Boy, but Girl, I’m still waiting. Never mind, though. I know you’re sorry on a deep and devoted level that transcends words. Right? Right.

The snuggling helped us all feel better. And we felt even better when the moment turned into a jumping on Mommy fest! There’s nothing better than that to send Mommy to the chiropractor into fits of giggles. It was good, hilarious fun, and put a whole different face on the day. Yep, we turned that frown upside down, didn’t we?

So, as the rest of the day stretches out ahead of us, let’s just agree on a few things.

1) Mommy will need a nap later. Be prepared.

2) Mommy may drink some wine later. Pretend not to notice.

3) Now that the Styrofoam Treaty has been brokered, I expect no more arguments over packaging materials. Ever.

4) You will get something better than doughnuts for lunch. I promise.

5) Next Saturday? If you wake up and find that all the noisy toys are hidden away, there’s not a bit of Styrofoam to be found, and there’s nothing left to do but watch TV quietly? Just have a doughnut, and roll with it.

With all my love,

Mommy

P.S. Yes, I know Daddy called at 8:00 and I wouldn’t have gotten to sleep in much longer anyway. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go email a list to Daddy.

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

suburbancorrespondent March 29, 2008 at 10:48 am

They always know when you want to sleep. And they make sure to ruin it.

Have you tried duct tape?

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Jennifer Harvey March 29, 2008 at 10:51 am

Just the one time, but it wasn’t worth spending the night in jail. 🙂

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Akelamalu March 29, 2008 at 11:17 am

Two of my grandchildren were fighting over a comb today 🙁

Why is it that now I can stay in bed until noon on a Saturday if I feel like it, I wake at 6 and can’t get back to sleep?

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Mrs. G. March 29, 2008 at 11:52 am

I insist that you have a glass of wine before the nap. Put it in a coffe cup.

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sturdy girl March 29, 2008 at 12:00 pm

I’m 50 and I haven’t had kids in the house for 10 years and I swear, I still can’t sleep in on Saturdays. I’ve been conditioned, I tell ya

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Daryl E March 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Oh I feel for you .. really I do. I somehow managed to sleep this morning til .. well I wont rub it in. However since I did sleep in I had to hustle my flat Jewish tush to the beautification appts. After dropping Husband’s dirty clothing at the dry cleaners .. he who is home all week as I toil away so I can pay the flippin’ government MORE $$ .. we got out income tax from the accountant today ..Monday I speak to the payroll people about adjusting my withholding .. there was a point here .. oh yes .. see in my home there are 2 cats who decide when its time to get up .. apparently they too slept in this morning .. shutting up now and thinking maybe that coffee isnt necessary.

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flutter March 29, 2008 at 3:38 pm

can you sell them?

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Jennifer Harvey March 29, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Mrs. G, sneaky little plan. I like it.

Daryl, I’ll just translate the time you got up into Mountain Time, and let it go at that. 🙂 I’m still envious of your beauty appts!

GM–10? It seem like the impossible dream! Which I could never actually dream, since there’s so little time for sleep around here.

flutter, I thought about it between 7:20 and 7:21, but they’re just so darn cute.

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Mad Madge March 29, 2008 at 6:53 pm

they slept in until 6:00? wow. they must love you.

we made it all the way to 6:45 this morning. it was like the second coming.

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a. beaverhausen March 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm

When they’re teenagers, they’ll sleep so late that even YOU will be awake before they are. And then waking them up and dragging them out of bed will be just as painful as the days when you prayed they’d stay asleep until 8 a.m. so that you’d get that extra rest. I feel your pain.

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Mary Alice March 29, 2008 at 7:08 pm

a beaverhausen…already said what I intended to say. In a few years you’ll be yelling at them, “it’s noon, get up already!”

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TEOM? March 29, 2008 at 7:27 pm

Snuggling always makes everyone feel better. It works almost as well as wine.

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Jenn @ Juggling Life March 29, 2008 at 7:28 pm

What Anastacia Beaverhausen and Mary Alice said. I guess that’s what happens when you come late to the party–all the good comments are taken!

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Jennifer Harvey March 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

So I’ll try to relax, go to bed earlier, and drink more wine until then? Not bad ideas, in any case.

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Lisa Milton March 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

I feel your pain. I now wake up, against my own will, automatically thanks to the morning boy in my house.

(It doesn’t help that my hubby leaves at 5, when he’s in town. No rest for the wicked I guess.)

I hope you took that nap and downed that wine.

I made my way to cocktail myself after a long week…

(I love the sweet snuggling part…)

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Crazycath March 29, 2008 at 8:50 pm

Oh Jennifer that made me laugh out loud! And not at you, but because I seem to go through this so many yimes!

Can I borrow your letter and tweak it a bit? It’s perfect!

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Dave March 29, 2008 at 8:54 pm

Having no kids I miss out on brokering those unique treaties! ; )

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Carolyn March 30, 2008 at 12:19 am

Classic!

My morning is Sundays. However, despite the purchase of a calendar and much forewarning, Csilla rarely concedes that it is actually ever Sunday. Once a week, without fail, we have a monumental dispute over the very existence of Sunday. Apparently it is my job to get up with her every god-forsaken morning of the week, regardless of whether or not daddy is willing and eager to do so. Imagine. A three-year-old with the ability to kill both of her parents at the same time. Me with her refusal to let me sleep, and daddy with her refusal to choose him for once.

On the upside, snuggle time is the great problem solver around here too.

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andi March 30, 2008 at 7:50 am

This was fabulous! I copied it and sent it to both of my children. Sadly, they didn’t give a crap. Neither did their father who is notorious for sleeping in on the weekends. Happily, there was still wine for me later…

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Neva March 30, 2008 at 9:47 am

Wine in a coffee cup…sounds good to me….pour one for me ….I am at the other end of the spectrum where 3 is early for those that party until 7 am….they really need to not come home on spring break….

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Tootsie Farklepants March 30, 2008 at 9:54 am

Oh dear lord. Sounds like our weekend mornings. Except it is Daddy we are trying to let sleep in and I’m keeping the peace. And you know what? It’s almost 10am right now, Sunday morning, and that bastard is still sleeping. Me? Been up since 7:30. Hmph!

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Hatchet March 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

Sleeping in? I have vague, yet fond, memories of such a thing. Once upon a time.

However, I fully intend on waking them up irregularly as teenagers, just to get back at mine.

Approximately every 2 hours, spaced randomly throughout the day, I think. That oughtta learn ’em!

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JCK March 30, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Now..see, here you are a Mommy STAR, able to turn it around no less! Loved this post. A good plan you have in place…even if it sometimes gets sidetracked.

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HRH March 31, 2008 at 7:45 pm

I am going to read this aloud to my boys Friday evening so there will be no questions…

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Emily R March 31, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Oh, I so would have unplugged the TV and confiscated the doughnuts. “You wake up Mommy? No TV or doughnuts.”

Our plan is that when the kids are old enough, we are going to teach them that Mommy and Daddy turn off the TV when we get out of bed on Saturday. As long as we are asleep, you are safe with the television, but once we are up, you are screwed. That ought to be enough incentive.

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Brenda April 7, 2008 at 8:14 am

The only way I ever get to “sleep” in is on a weekend when we let the children snuggle in bed with us. But of course, it does usually turn into a “tickle party,” but somehow it makes me feel better to not have dragged my a%s out of bed quite so early.

Since you go to such grand preparations for this day, I think I might be a little more cranky about it being ruined, sooooo….. maybe you should record yourself with the appropriate yelling remarks to play at appropriate intervals throughout the morning so they won’t even know you’re still in bed!

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