Beary annoying (yeah, I know)
So I open my inbox, and there’s an(other) email from Build-a-Bear Workshop, courtesy of my 6-year-old girl’s gushing admiration for their stores and their products. From time to time she likes to play games on their website, which requires an email address and sign-up by a sucker parent.
So now, along with the other (grown-up) email subscriptions I maintain–including the New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Writer’s Almanac, Dear Prudence, Salon, etc.–I now receive periodic updates from Build-a-Bear Workshop.
But here’s the kicker…take a look:
Really? Is that what moms across the country are hoping to receive on Mother’s Day? A stuffed bear? In clothes? I would love to see the market research to back up that campaign. And then I would like to have a long sit-down with the moms who indicated, “Yes, I’d love love love it if my husband and children gave me a stuffed bear/cat/panda dressed in a tutu or maybe biker chaps for Mother’s Day!”
We have a lot to discuss.
To be fair, if that’s what those moms want for Mother’s Day, they are completely within their rights to ask for it. Because anyone who is a mother sure as hell deserves one day of getting whatever she wants. (Even if it is an over-commercialized money-trap of a holiday.)
But why muddy the water for the rest of us, and for all the poor husbands who now might, just might, think it’s a great gift idea? (Gentlemen, pay close attention. Unless your wife/significant other/mother of your children expressly and quite specifically says “I WANT A TEDDY BEAR,” do not give her a teddy bear for Mother’s Day. Or her birthday. Or Christmas. Or EVER. You get my drift.
Psst…also? She doesn’t want a teddy either. In case you missed that bulletin.
Here’s what I really want for Mother’s Day. A late morning in bed (no early alarm telling me it’s time to get up to take the kids to church), a couple of sweet cards and a hug from my kids and Mr. H, coffee (at my desk), and the rest of the day free to go play poker or to see two or three movies. (If anyone wants to go all out, I wouldn’t complain about a freshly washed car and a full tank of gas.)
Oh, and no cooking. Pretend you’ll notice a difference (hey, it’s my day, my way).
And for the Build-a-Bear marketing geniuses? You might wanna consider knocking my demographic off your next campaign.
Unless, of course, you want to give me a coupon for a tank of gas.
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Oooh, no teddy bears for me, though my husband has bought a little stuffed gray cat to stand in as surrogate for my CC when I’m in the hospital. It’s a nice conversation piece.
You know what I would like? I would like for my husband and son to join me for church that day, but I’m not going to ask them. I wouldn’t enjoy having them there if they really didn’t want to be there.
I did tell my son that I’ll need to be out the door that morning by 10:45. He is making blueberry crepes for me. Mmmmmmm. He’s a wonderful cook.
Peace - D
I am so with you - all I ever ask for for Mother’s Day or my b’day is the day off. A day to be just me, me, me - is that too much to ask?
Oh my boy washed my car yesterday, saying it was part of Mother’s Day week. Boy, did I feel squishy.
Really, it’s unbelievable. I hope most men/children don’t fall victim to that.
About the TEDDY, you are right. We don’t want those either. Well, we might want them….. sometimes….. but those are FATHER’S DAY gifts. (In case someone would misinterpret that statement, the lingerie for ME is a gift for my HUSBAND.) It might be the most perfect thing in the world.
Amazing but not as amazingly unfeeling as the coffee seller’s email that told me I would be a bad daughter if I didnt get my mother some coffee for Mother’s Day … hello you marketing insentitives … my mother is dead … and I am betting a lot of other women whose mothers passed more recently than mine felt worse than I did.
Not exactly my idea of a perfect Mother’s Day gift either. A day to do what I would want all alone would be my perfect gift.
Mother’s day always ends up stressful around here, trying to please everyone.
I’m all down with the movie thing.
I’m outta here if anyone shows up with a stuffed bear!
Wha? WHO would do that?
And I’ve traded in Sunday for a night out with the girls tomorrow to the local casino for the chocolate buffet. And unfortunately no gambling :0(
Ooh - a car wash! What a great idea! My daughter has “secret” plans to have her room clean for M-day. While nice…very nice! I think I’d like to have my car washed!
And I’d like a nap.
Also, I’d go to the movies with you!
First let me confess that I have a collection of Steiff teddy bears.
That said….I’m with you. Mother’s Day should be about honoring Mom’s in a way that attends to their needs….like sleeping in (something I could do 7 days a week) being waited on, having a day to do what YOU want, not having to cook.
Some of my suggestions:
* a spa day, massage, facial, nails and pedicure
* a day at the beach or national park, with friends and a picnic lunch
* an all day movie watching marathon in bed with mimosas and breakfast served in bed
You get the idea…..no matter what the focus is you and relaxing.
Happy Mom’s Day to all the wonderful Moms out there!
I don’t know how to play poker and I do not want any bears for Mother’s Day - but a few movies in that afternoon would be EXCELLENT - I might just try to do that!
Alexis has a cute bear with a pink tutu - I often pick up that bear and cuddle it - it is so soft - they are cute!
Have a good day - Kellan
And if you don’t like your father, here’s what to give him for Father’s Day.
Have a beary great day. See ya later.
Amen. Nothing stuffed, plush, knick-knacky, doo-daddy or from Jared or Zales. Just peace, quiet and NO ONE in the kitchen so’s I can have a break. I cannot believe they sent that out.
That is so lame. Who in their right mind would desire a stuffed toy as a trinket of appreciation for all the daily insanity?
Your Mother’s Day wish sounds just about right. Some peace, quiet, the time do something only for ourselves.
Okay, being the lone guy to post here, I must say that not all us fellas are as lame as Hallmark might make us out to be. As I wrote in R World blog, I found out long, long ago that when the beautiful half is happy, life’s good. As for Mother’s Day, like her birthday, the lovely missus absolutely calls the shots on whatever she wants for herself plus what she wants us to do. Okay, so for her birthday I really try to get creative with something she’d love (like on her 40th when I convinced several of her family to fly to Oregon from Boston as a surprise), but for Mother’s Day I simply ask, “what can we do for you?”
As for cooking, cleaning and the rest, I already do 90% of the grocery shopping, almost all the laundry and we share the cooking, so it’s not that big a deal for me to handle all meals on her special days as I’ve cooked for years.
Mother’s Days in the past? Let’s see . . . one year she took off for the beach, alone. Made sense to me. Another year she wanted the attic 100% cleaned out by all us guys. Still another year was a hike in the Tillamook State Forest (about 30 minutes from the house). ‘Course ‘96 was a VERY good year for her: we lived in Ireland for a few months and in 1996 she got to celebrate 2 Mother’s Days. We were still in Ireland when they celebrated Mother’s Day and, unbeknowst to me until we got back to the States, Mother’s Day in the States was later. Sigh . . . This year? I’m leading our 2 youngest in cleaning the house.
I still don’t get how my fellow guys just don’t realize that when the wife/mom is happy, EVERYBODY is happy!
Any ladies here who now want to marry Allen, raise your hands.
I suppose I should say here that Mr. H does pretty well in this department, but most men could always use a brush-up course.
Allen, I’m delighted you stopped by and added your comments. I hope you also offer a syllabus, and maybe podcasts? Women would pay a lot of money for that (for their men). Lucky wife, yours.
Sorry to comment again, but my husband’s (Steve, who sometimes comments on this blog) mantra is “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” It was necessary for me to comment again since my husband appears to have a clone in Allen (or Allen a clone in my husband?) Whatever!
The point is that THEY (Allen and my husband and a few other enlightened men) have figured out that really, we don’t want that much at all on those days. We want the day to be special. It might cost absolutely nothing to do that. (Clearly less than a stuffed bear.) But we all want something different. It’s a good idea to figure that out and do it!
This year what I want is to go letterboxing with our family. (www.letterboxing.org.) What I NEVER want is to go out and eat. That (to me–don’t get angry if it’s not the same for you) is the very most lame thing in the world to do. (I’d honestly rather get a Build-A-Bear.) It’s the big copout. Obviously, because everyone else on the planet is doing the same. How do I know this? (Since I’m married to an enlightened male.) One year I WANTED to go out and eat at a specific place. STUPID mistake.
Anyway, glad there are a few other women out there who have husbands that pay attention and do whatever it is that makes us happy. And you know what? Those husbands are probably happy, too, BECAUSE….. Happy wife, happy life!
(My husband does all the grocery shopping, too. I wouldn’t have a clue where to find something in the store or how much things cost. I cook during the week, and he takes care of weekend food. I make the list every week, and he goes WITH THE CHILDREN to the grocery store to leave me home alone for about 2 blissful hours. I guess I get Mother’s Day every week!)
And yet I still love you, Brenda, my favorite cousin.
I decided to not discuss that I get actually Mother’s Day twice a week because I was pretty sure almost the entire population would hate me! Not that I’m that wrapped up in what the world thinks of me, but it’s just better to leave some things unsaid!
And as long as YOU love me, Jennifer, MY favorite cousin, then that’s all that matters!
Ah you’re all so kind.
Jennifer, don’t be so quick to call for a raising of hands. #1, I have a tendency to snore, in spite of the late night “love taps” from the babe-a-licious next to me along with the “Allen, roll over! you’re snoring!”, #2, I can tend to be a neat freak in spite of the gorgeous one’s tendency to be a pack rat, and #3) I can’t keep up with the current missus let alone anybody else!
And Brenda, thank you SO much for letting me know I have another soul brutha out there in the wild, wooly, wonderful world. Ron (he of R World blog) is also a member of the club.
As for the “going out to eat” thingy, with that gorgeous (but quite blind, it seems. whatever else did she see in me? no kids when we met and I SURELY wasn’t washing her laundry ) better half of mine being a nutritional therapist, it’s really, REALLY difficult for us to find a restaurant serving organic, non sugar-filled, non chemical-laced, non gmo, non hydrogenated victuals. Thank goodness we love fish and getting wild salmon here in the PNW is pretty easy. Makes it pretty easy to go the home cookin’ route.
A stuffed bear? I. Think. Not.
OK, OK, this has to stop.
First of all, Allen, if you look at page 73 of the Guy’s Handbook (gals, if you ask about the existence of such a guide, we are all honor-bound to deny it), you’ll find that you should never publicize behavior like you describe. It’s in the chapter on Never Make a Brother Male Look Bad. Even if you are finally forced into such activities in order to get through each week, you certainly should not let others know about it.
Now on to the girls — Build-a-Bear, a bad gift? Sez who? I thought it was the thought that counts? Seems to be a bit hypocritical. Here’s a case (were you to get such a gift) where your man: 1) remembered, and 2) did something about it. More than that, it’s custom-made — with love, of course! Isn’t that the kind of gift you girls get all worked up about? If some girlfriend gave you something handmade on a special day, I am sure you would have to bond/cry/hug/talk (talk, talk, talk) to reinforce the whole ritual. Why would it be any different for a man? More hypocrisy, perchance? And what do you mean, a teddy is not the perfect gift? I can’t hear you! (la, la, la, la…)
My wife (I am not sure who this Brenda person is that keeps commenting and using my name) told me early on in our marriage that she would never give me gift ideas for any occasion — ever. Great. Ever feel like you’re about to enter a minefield, only to discover you are already in the midst of it? What chance do I have to meet this (as always) unspoken expectation? If the planets align and somehow I get lucky and find an acceptable gift, then I have only met the expectation. Anything else, and I fail dismally and have to live with the consequences.
I will not discuss here the dreaded “Sweet Tomatoes Incident” (as it is known in our family).
And while some of us may subscribe (silently, Allen, silently…) to the “happy wife, happy life” theory of survival, it is by no means a guarantee of success. What makes a woman happy can change in an instant, without notification. So even when men pay attention (rare and difficult for us to begin with), we’re likely to pick something that only *seemed* like a good gift, but now has been eclipsed by whatever whim/fad has overwhelmed our mates since we signed the charge slip.
So, our choices are (excluding the apocryphal and likely mythical “perfect gift”):
1) Spend a lot of time and money and get a gift that was wrong, or
2) Spend very little time and not much money, and still get it wrong.
I am often cautioned on how I am not frugal with our hard-earned money, so I think the answer is clear:
Honey, do they sell lingerie at the Build-a-Bear store?
[Ladies and Gentlemen of the ether, in case you were foolish enough to think that I really believe everything I just wrote (and to remove any confusion), you must know that my tongue was planted firmly in cheek as I typed. And futhermore, there certainly is no Guy’s Handbook… as far as you know.]
Geez Steve! Did you NOT read the Forward of the Guy’s Handbook where it starts with “Never but NEVER EVER put together, in writing, the two words “Guy’s” and “Handbook”. Er, I mean, Guy’s Handbook? What Guy’s Handbook?.
As far as gifts go, I hear ya’, brutha. When I ask the dark-haired beauty, “Honey, what would you like as a gift?” I get this look like I’m about as useful as a pet rock. The trick I keep forgetting about is I’m supposed to catch hints that fly by when she’s talking. Like guys actually LISTEN when the missus yaks talks.
As far as them gifts, I learned LONG ago, very financially painfully I might ad, to keep the receipt. And not just until after the, “Wow, hon’, you REALLY did listen to what I said when I told you I would absolutely LOVE getting a pink RAZR!”. Oh no. Gotta’ keep that damn receipt in a safe deposit box so you KNOW where you can find it in 3 seconds/3 minutes/3 hours/3 days/3 weeks/3 months/3 years/3 decades/3 centuries cause sure as the NBA playoff channel gets turned to ‘Dancing with the Stars’ when you hop into the bathroom, the “Wow, hon!” gift will get stale, leading to a, “Hon, do you still have the receipt for that ugly pink RAZR?”
Now I’m just wondering how many more safe deposit vaults the bank has available in Oregon . . .
As I just said to Brenda by instant message, today is one of my favorite days for comments (definitely in the top 5). You guys are hilarious.
Oh, and women don’t have a handbook, either.
There’s an NBA Playoff channel?
And the conversation takes a dark turn…
“Oh, and women don’t have a handbook, either”. Yeah . . . right . . . sure (snortle, chuckle, guffaw).
What??!! It’s in the DNA then? Come on! Get real, Harvey. We all wasn’t born yesterday.
What was that you said, Honey?
Okay, back to the NBA playoffs . . .
If I’m getting something in chaps for mothers day, it had better NOT be a frickin’ bear.
Gee well I feel like a steaming pile of crud … never knew mother’s could be so mean … oh wait, yes I did … When I was a youngster I took my own money from allowance and bought M-day gifts, B-day gifts, etc. Even if she faked it she never spat on any gift that was given whether it was a stuffed bear or piece of costume jewelry. Maybe the difference was I was giving them to my Grandmother who actually WANTED me as a daughter. Shame on all of you for behaving like a bunch of ungrateful brats … no wonder today’s kids have such bad attitudes. No big mystery where they get their attitude of entitlement from.
I apologize, Dejected Daughter, if my post offended you. Please be assured that it was directed mostly at companies who market these kinds of gifts, thinking that women want them. It was also directed (light-heartedly, I hope) at the men who are in charge of directing the gift buying for their wives.
I treasure each gift that my children give me, no matter what it is, even more if they made it themselves. Their gifts are some of my most treasured possessions. Each time they give me something, they see my eyes light up and hear the happiness in my words. Not to mention the hugs and kisses they receive.
I hope you’ll take a moment, if you have one, to read my post again in a different light.
Thanks for including the teddy comment. Although I don’t know many husbands who’d try that for Mother’s Day. That worn out old trick comes on Valentines Day
Do you really think you can ditch your family on Mother’s Day and just go get a mani/pedi and sip margaritas?
We’re doing brunch at MY house for my mom and MIL.
Don’t get me started…
I think a stuffed bear would be the LAST thing I’d consider - but I’m old school I guess… : )
*Copy*
*Paste*
*Sends email off to hubby*
What? Remember the tire pressure gauge he gave me? I think this “Bear” memo is mui importante!
Jennifer it wasn’t your post on commercialism that bothered me. It was the litany of comment posts that followed that upset me. It once again pushed front and center the attitude of entitlement that is prevalent in today’s society. I don’t want this. Give me that. I want it this way because it’s my special day. People call children who act that way brats. I’m all for pandeirng on special days but when we get to the point where we are dictating the giving of material gifts and spuring the ones we didn’t want instead of feeling loved because someone remembered at all, it all becomes too much.
Wicked post. LOL. Nothing to add here. You hit the nail on the head.
I sometimes wonder who are the geniuses behind these events. Probably the same geniuses who send me “American Girl” catalogs weekly. I hate to break it to them but in my house chicken pox would be more accepted.
I also was kinda bummed out by dejected daughter’s comment. I think sometimes we just have to have fun with these things or they get taken too seriously…
I would like a massage, and a day off…no bear thanks, just a day off:)
HILARIOUS.
I agree with everything single thing you said.
I freakin’ hate stuffed animals. What is their purpose?
I don’t want a Build-A-Bear or a Vermont Teddy Bear or any kind of bear. Ever. Not since I was like 5.
Thursday morning…
I made it this morning to look at your post and then I am off for a lung test.
I hope to be finished with all tests and back to normal by the 12th or soon thereafter.
Your post is really nice, as usual.
AMEN!
Jennifer, this is hilarious. However, a teddy bear would be a step up from my last 2 mother’s day presents.
5 years ago, my husband and kids gave me an electric pancake griddle. Yay, more cooking….
And 2 years ago, they bought me a mixer. You know, for mixing cake batters and stuff. And the freaking annoying part about that is that I sent my husband to Walmart to buy me a mixer because my blew up. He came home with it in a gift bag and said Happy Mother’s Day. WTF????
Those are the only 2 mother’s day gifts that I can even remember getting.
Oh except that he sent me an e card last year, on the Sunday before Mother’s Day.
Someone should talk to him about this!!!!
I am pretty lucky as my daughter has always wanted to give me jewelry… ABut my poor husband, as it takes days and days, as she has to find the perfect item…
It has been a tradition for the past eight years… And my daughter is all about tradition…
We share similar wants for the ‘big day’ all the way down to the washed car and full tank of gas (why I hate filling up the tank so much I’ll never know). The only difference, I’ll want to cook. I get panic attacks when I see the husband with my pots and pans
Here’s hoping we don’t get stuffed bears dressed in pink frilly smocks!
Dammit, Jenn - I’ll just take your bear back.
(Hey sunshine! Sorry I was MIA.)
Oh, thank you, thank you. My ex-husband was very, very confused the first time I told him NO teddy bears, no pictures of teddy bears (he actually *owned* one of those! Should have been my first clue…), no little teddy figurines… Apparently all his previous girlfriends thought teddy bears were *so cute*, etc. Barf.
As far as feeling entitled… that’s not really it. I love to be remembered, and appreciate the thought… but I don’t want the giver to waste their money on something I’ll hate. actively dislike. whatever. When I give a gift, I want to know it’s something the recipient will actually *enjoy* and *use* or *admire* or *appreciate*. Otherwise, it’s just more… clutter. Who needs that? So, yeah, I think being clear is better. It takes *knowing* the person.
I don’t call a child who says something like that a brat (well, first of all, I would never call a child that, but anyway…); I’d call them a child who knows what they like. I prefer honesty over “well, it doesn’t matter what you give me”, then the gift gets thrown in a closet.
Effing Build-A-Bear! That place reminds me of a Teddy Ruxpin from Hell factory, and that’s bad, m’kay?
Moms just want to NOT have to make dinner on Mother’s Day - that and to be waited on like queens. Is that so much to ask?
When the gorgeous one became preggers with the 1st of our 3 boys, we sat down and discussed the future of childcare. My wife, bless her sweet, sweet soul, offered to juggle her soon-to-be final year in college with primarily raising son #1 as the “stay at home” parent while I would keep my career/day job going (gotta’ thank the Industrial Revolution for this “advancement”).
There were ups and downs but all-in-all, she weathered it well. Then came son #2 just 2 years later and son #3 another 2 years after that. And no, we did NOT plan this at all. But having 3 boys 2 years apart in age between each of them did take a toll as the energy level of 3 youngs lads is quite high. So for Mother’s Day, I wanted to make sure and celebrate her being able to enjoy recognition of being a mother.
When our boys were little, I had them create their own mother’s day cards and also the “handprints in clay” with their names, ages and year for gifts. The boys were delighted to do this for their mom and she still cherishes these items every time she looks up from her desk and she’s the handprints and cards hanging on the wall.
As the boys got older, I told ‘em what would make their mom happiest would be if they asked her what she wanted for her special day and then deliver that for her. Well, it’s been a collection over the years of car washes, cooking (mostly me cooking but her as well), an Ipod last year, and various other gifts. What the boys have gotten out of it is realizing that even though Hallmark has attempted to hijack Mother’s Day, the best way to honor and respect their mom on Mother’s Day is to honor and respect all she’s done for them over the years by asking her what they can do for her at least on this one designated day.
And you know what? To this day I still see the looks and feelings of love and respect and sweetness between the boys and their mother today that I saw when they exchanged the homecard cards and handprints years ago.
Allen, I think that you’ve articulated exactly what most of us have been trying to say in these comments. It isn’t about a big outlay of cash, or about demanding things. The running thread of commentary is make the day special (Brenda, specifically, said this), however that translates within each family.
And we had a great time talking about it all, which was fantastic.
Your wife sounds lovely and strong.
You are SO right on with this. God help the men who really think this might be a good idea…
I LOVE your idea of a perfect Mother’s Day. I’d also love an afternoon tea with cocktails with a group of close women friends - with no time limit on when to get home to relieve the husband of childcare!
What I am getting (in addition to the charitable contribution)? Feet up and time to read blogs.
Emily Rs last blog post..Happy Alternative Mother’s Day