Geez. Write just one post about a book called How Babies Are Made and no one lets you forget it, certainly not all the Googlers out there who have found my blog by entering multiple derivatives of that title.
Funny, I thought this would be the post that would haunt me.
Honestly, I’m such a attention tart that I don’t really mind how people find my blog. Of course it makes me all warm inside when I see that someone got here by searching for a quote or for some driving music (love you), but if you got here by Googling “I broke toilet seat embarrass,” well, there’s room for you, too. Though I doubt that the three people who were looking for “photos of two dogs screwing” stuck around for long. (Maybe next week…) Ditto for info on “how long do you have to wait before you can drive on ashfault?” (For starters, I suggest buying a dictionary. And don’t wait.)
The how-babies-are-made queries are some of my favorite, mostly because, as a parent, I’ve also wondered how to handle that conversation. I’m no expert on explaining these things, but a LOT of people have come here for help. It just seems irresponsible to ignore their questions, no matter how puzzling.
Q: How babies are made in a few words
A: I believe it goes something like: “How you doin’?”
Q: I want to see how babies are made
A: Sure, you say that now. But hardly anyone wants to see the end of that production line. If you doubt me, go and watch Knocked Up, the part where the friend goes into the delivery room. A hint: crowning isn’t just for royalty.
Q: How babies are made for kids
A: I don’t know how to answer that one. I just buy toys for my kids.
Q: How babies are made funny
I love the person who searched for this: “I have weakness for cowboys.” Me too, sister (or brother?). Me, too.
Someone else asked, “What do cowboys drive?”
Um, cattle? (You’re totally going for the Ford vs. Dodge answer, but I’m not giving it to you.)
Other people I’d like to help, but am not sure I can, wanted to know about:
- handmade polo aftershave (is that really a good idea?)
- how long does last a bad run of cards (I’ll let you know when mine does last no more. Longer. Whatever.)
- pictures of real wolves going after children (the FBI will be on your doorstep in a matter of hours)
- woman in fog (you might have come to the right place, after all)
- drink like a man, look like a man (turns out, I can only address the second part of that)
- introverts incessant chatter (again, maybe you’ve come to the right place)
And my favorite…
- jennifer going commando (Um. Yeah, no.)
Remember, if you leave me a comment between now and Tuesday, June 3rd, you’ll be entered to win a copy of A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf.