Middle aged brain: a birthday tale

by Jennifer on February 20, 2009

So yesterday was The Boy’s 10th birthday, and he wanted to take Krispy Kreme doughnuts for his class at school. He needed them by lunch time, so I drove 20 minutes to the closest Krispy Kreme (aka Doughnut Nirvana) location and pulled up at the drive thru to order.

I remembered that his class has 26 students, so I ordered two and a half dozen – enough for the class, his teacher, and a couple of extras that I hoped would come home. Before I drove off, I even thought to ask for enough hats for the whole class.

Are you with me? 30 doughnuts. 30 hats. 26 kids. I’m all over this task.

I drop everything off in the school office and leave, checking the task off my Good Mommy list with a flourish.

When I pick him up after school, I ask if everyone liked the doughnuts. His answer?

“Yeah, but we almost didn’t have enough!”

(Me: doing the cartoon double take, with that wonky sound effect.)

“What? Why? How many kids are in your class?”

“32. But it was okay, ’cause two were sick today.”

(Me: Hail to the flu/cold/mystery virus that kept two 4th graders at home today! Thank you,  you beautiful sweet bug – mwah, mwah, mwah – you totally saved my Good Mommy ass.*)

And then I realize. There was no way his teacher got a donut. Fanfreakingtastic.There she was, face to face with 30 fresh-off-the-line original glazed, and you know how good they smell? And she didn’t even get one.

(Me: Digging my phone out of my purse and dialing. School office lady answers, and I ask, “Yes, um, could I speak to Miss B, please?” Voice mail kicks on because she’s screening my call and who can blame her, really. “Hi, yeah, this is Boy’s mom, and I am so sorry about the doughnuts! Blah blah, etc.”)

Then The Girl climbs into the car.

“Sweetie,” I ask her. “How many kids are in your class?”

“27.”

Right. Too bad it wasn’t her birthday.

*I would never celebrate sick children, let’s be clear. They were probably skiing in Aspen, anyway. You know I’m right.

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On Facebook this week, I bemoaned the spectacular (though temporary) crash of my blog a few days ago, and the subsequent time-sucking repairs, with this status update:

Jennifer would just like to point out that Virginia Woolf didn’t have to know this crap (re: blog maintenance).

My friend Veronica, who you may know as V-grrrl commented:

It’s the price we pay for wanting a URL of Our Own.

Best response ever, and it made me laugh. I love wit like that.

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I read this post on BlogNosh the other day, and laughed so hard my kids came from the other room to find out what was funny.

The Revenge of the Vacuum Cleaner, by Auds at Barking Mad. I couldn’t add her to my reader fast enough.

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

V-Grrrl February 20, 2009 at 4:45 am

Laughter is a good thing, especially when one’s blog has crashed. : )

And now you know what to get the teacher for teacher appreciation day–a certificate for a dozen donuts!

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Mrs. Schmitty February 20, 2009 at 4:53 am

Just send her in a doughnut today…I’m sure all would be forgiven! LOL

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Manic Mommy February 20, 2009 at 6:07 am

I’d definitely send her in a six pack of petite vanilla bean scones from Starbucks. God that sounds so good…

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Dharmamama February 20, 2009 at 6:27 am

Mmmm… I’m sorry. What? I missed everything after “Krispy Kreme”.

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Emily R February 20, 2009 at 6:58 am

she probably appreciated the removal of temptation

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Cath February 20, 2009 at 7:12 am

It is so hard to be a Gooood Mommy isn’t it? The most demanding job in the world.
Hope the teacher gets her message and the two you go out and lunch! (And laugh)

(sorry I have been absent – busy + troll = silence. )

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Daryl February 20, 2009 at 8:24 am

Krispy Kreme needs to be outlawed .. you know you gain weight just looking at them .. seriously

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Smalltown Mom February 20, 2009 at 8:52 am

I’m sure the teacher is fine about it. V-grrl’s idea is great!

My 12 year old totally forgot about Valentines. OH well — his class had too much sugar anyway. I don’t think anyone noticed his were missing.

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Craig Glenn February 20, 2009 at 9:38 am

LOL!

Craig

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slouching mom February 20, 2009 at 9:45 am

Every time I bring extra for the teacher, she looks annoyed.

But I notice that she eats the damn thing anyway.

Story of a woman’s life, that.

Off to nosh at Blog Nosh. Thanks for the recommendation.

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Jenn @ Juggling Life February 20, 2009 at 11:07 am

I’ll quit complaining about the annoying lack of suction on my vacuum cleaner now!

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jenrantsraves February 20, 2009 at 11:25 am

I gained so much weight when I worked as a preschool teacher! The parents were always brining in donuts, bagels, muffins, brownies. Then there is the fact that preschoolers eat about every 2 hours! She might have been happy you didn’t send her a donut!

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jessica bern February 20, 2009 at 12:58 pm

read the vacuum post. Nearly pissed by pants. thanks for that. I still can’t believe that and yes, when she said the response was overkill that was a mild understatement, no? LOL

As far as the donuts, frankly that would be better than my having to exercise my will power. she might actually thank you

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Auds at Barking Mad February 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm

I live in a state (Maine) in which there is not ONE single Krispy Kreme donut outlet anywhere. And I am probably going to be the lone voice that admits this, but I can’t stand those things. If they’d make some without the goopy-sticky glaze on the outside I could happily eat a dozen in one sitting…but alas, they don’t. I know I know, I am a freak for admitting it, but then you are talking to the woman who managed to get her hair stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

I’m glad you were able to laugh at my folly. Looking back, now that it’s almost 7 months post-hair-suck, I can finally see the…..nope, I spoke too soon. It’s still not funny. OK, well maybe a little.

Thanks for the linky love!

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Tara Wermuth February 20, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Definitley made me laugh! I love your story-telling. But, now my stomach is growling and won’t stop ’til I get a Krisy Kreme. Thanks so much for your email the other day. I appreciate your support. I just did an update, in case you are wondering. Now, I must go check out that link! Take care!

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the mama bird diaries February 20, 2009 at 7:09 pm

and i thought you were going to drive off without the donuts.

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Marinka February 20, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Donut math is the worst.

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flutter February 21, 2009 at 1:45 am

all those kids all that sugar? you are brave

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Mrs. Chili February 21, 2009 at 5:51 am

DAMN! That’s a LOT of kids! I’m betting that was no inexpensive adventure for you, either.

Seriously? Send in a gift card or something for the teacher. I know that if I had to sacrifice a donut so that all my kids could have one, I wouldn’t mind getting mine later…

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Ree February 21, 2009 at 11:08 am

I’m so glad your back after that spectacular crash.

Krispy Kreme donuts make me belch. Teacher could have had mine. 😉

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Stacie February 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm

We’ll, along with being mistaken that there were fewer in the class, you can be mistaken about how his teacher is a diabetic and it would have been bad for her to eat a doughnut and you saved her life and now she really should tutor Boy everyday after school and give him perfect attendance and all A’s…Geez, it’s the least she could do!

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Louise February 22, 2009 at 12:13 pm

OK, did you just not know how many were in his class, or did you get his and her classes mixed up. AND WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THE 32 KIDS IN ONE CLASSROOM FOR ANYWAY????

As for hoping some donuts come home–you just have to buy an extra dozen and TAKE them home or you’ll never see them!

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Indigo February 24, 2009 at 10:28 am

A certificate for Donuts sounds like a great idea, she won’t have to share with the class. I’m sitting here cursing that you gave me ANOTHER blog to follow, not really how could you not after reading that story. OMG I laughed so hard my poor pup thought I was having a seizure.

Reminds me of being 9 months pregnant and using a curling iron – the type with bristels to wrap your hair easier…umm right. I wrapped my hair alright. I couldn’t get it out of my hair, I unplugged it for fear of singing my hair. At the time my grandmother lived down the road from me, so here I am walking (wobbling) down the side of the road holding the curling iron up so it wouldn’t pull on my hair. I walked in the door in tears, my grandmother took one look at me and burst out laughing. Like a petulant child (I now claim it was pregnancy hormones) I stomped my foot and demanded she help me. Unfortunately my hair was already burned to the iron at this point and it DID require some cutting.

Here’s the irony, I refused to cut the rest of my hair. I was pissed I had to have that chunk cut out. So imagine a 9 month pregnant woman with purple hair missing a chunk from the side of her head. (The purple hair is a story for another time, that was not intentional). (Hugs)Indigo

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JCK February 26, 2009 at 2:19 pm

And so then you hand delivered to the teacher a dozen KK doughnuts of her very own?

Oh, the anguish of good mommydom gone wrong. I HATE it when that happens…

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