Wide awake, dreaming

by Jennifer on June 11, 2009

Image courtesy basicallybekah

Image credit: basicallybekah

I’m not sure how to tell you what I’ve been up to these last few days, because it feels both small and big. (Yes, there’s been some packing, but our moving date has been pushed back a week or two,  so I have a little breathing room there…)

Last week, I signed up with a songwriting forum and jumped with both feet into the pool of this little dream I’ve had for a long time. I’ve been writing lyrics for years, but never did anything with them until now. (Just as well, since most of what I used to write should stay tucked away inside a binder.)

On songwriting forums, there are places to post one’s lyrics for review, so I posted the one that you’ve seen here*, and a few others. I dusted off and finished a couple of songs that were in my old files, and I’ve written a new one.

One forum led to another, and I’ve met some great, talented people in both places.

When I have more to tell (or for you to hear…fingers crossed, both hands, tightly), you’ll be the first to know. Or the second. Okay, at least third, I promise.

A lot of people have been doing this for years, but the chance to write songs with other songwriters is new to me and so exciting – and that’s the part that feels huge. Hearing music with words that I’ve written or collaborated on.  I know now that it can happen, soon or not so far off. Ten years ago, I don’t now that I would have had the nerve to even walk into this party where I don’t know anyone, in a world that’s so unfamiliar to me. But now, after seeing that what I thought were impossible things are possible, it’s so exhilarating. Just being around this kind of creative, positive energy has changed my outlook so much. There’s so much for me to learn, and it will take time. But I’m in a good place to learn from others and to be part of something that makes my heart beat a little faster.

It stuns me that, for so long, I didn’t realize that maybe the biggest step I might take was just asking to be let into the party.

Once I did that, I was met with so much generosity and encouragement. Like I asked the Universe for something, and it went into the back room and brought it right out for me. (Trust me when I tell you that’s not how it usually goes.)

My friend Suzanne at A View From Table One wrote a post a couple of days ago about that feeling of waiting for one’s life to begin, and about the moment she realized that “we have not understood that our lives have begun.” She continues, “That moment that we are waiting for is already here, we are living it now in this moment and all our plans are part of that life that has already begun. We must stop waiting and start doing.”

If I hadn’t already taken a couple of steps toward something I want, those two sentences would have kicked me in the ass, for sure. Even so, they still resonate within me, like echoes of thunder from a storm that’s just (finally) starting to move on.

And that’s how this feels. Things are brighter. The air is clean.

And I swear to god, I hear music.

_______________________

*the password for that post is thursday, if you need it

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

V-Grrrl June 11, 2009 at 4:06 am

For reasons I can’t explain, I have found it easy to claim myself as a writer but much harder to claim myself as an artist. It’s as if somewhere in my subconscious is an idea that I’m *only* allowed to have one major talent and years ago I chose the one I’d study and cultivate and make my own. Writing!

Despite an interest in art that first took seed in my 20s, I didn’t even begin to pursue it until my 40s and still feel uncomfortable saying I’m an artist. Instead of fully jumping in and staking a claim, I’ve been sliding into art gradually, and thinking everytime a “real artist” notices my work, I’m not worthy of their attention. I’m not trained! I don’t know what I’m doing! My successes are an accident! My work isn’t sophisticated enough!

I ‘m working on dismissing that attitude and fully releasing myself to pursue my art in whatever direction it takes me, however far. I’m glad you’ve jumped into songwriting and are feeling that wonderful creative buzz of collaborating with like-minded spirits. You’re inspiring me to do the same.

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Dharmamama June 11, 2009 at 4:07 am

I love this, Jennifer. Love it! Do you know this quote, by Howard Thurman? “Do not ask what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” You inspire me by being inspired!

There’s so much I’ve learned along those lines: This moment is it. I must take responsibility for my life. I CAN take action – sometimes big, bold action – and claim the life I want.

It’s all part of growing up for me, and being at cause in my life, rather than reaction.

I’m so glad you found this community, and have stepped up to your place in it.

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Christy June 11, 2009 at 4:21 am

That’s terrific–good for you for following your dreams (and your heart.) That’s big even it doesn’t always seem so. How many people can say they do that?

I’m going through a similar sort of thing with wanting to write. Like REALLY write. I’m kind of sick of hearing myself talk about wanting to do something and then continuing to let time pass me by w/o following through…so I’m taking some steps and making a plan (and I love what Dharmamama says up there about being at cause rather than reaction…it’s beautiful AND difficult to put into action. But it all starts with us, doesn’t it?)

I truly think we all know what to do. The Universe is waiting for us to be great–and you’re doing just that! Bravo!

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De June 11, 2009 at 4:37 am

Congratulations. I think that’s HUGE.

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Daryl June 11, 2009 at 6:35 am

Its just wonderful to ‘hear’ the excitement in your ‘voice’ …

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Madge June 11, 2009 at 6:52 am

i love this post. again. and i love so much what is happening. you know how much i do.

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Craig Glenn June 11, 2009 at 6:55 am

This is huge and true every word. I love Dharmamama’s comment and quote as well. I too have faced this reality and most likely a few years behind you in acting on this realilty but these words inspire me and push me forward. Thanks for sharing them.

Craig Glenn

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Green Girl in Wisconsin June 11, 2009 at 7:30 am

How wonderful! How exciting! How bold and brave and blessed!

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Elisa June 11, 2009 at 7:41 am

I wish you the best of luck! This sounds like a new and exciting adventure, and adventures can change your outlook on life so quickly! The chance to make a dream come true, to experience something you’d never thought you would, puts everything in a new light, doesn’t it? I hope you have a great time and this works out for you, you deserve it!

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Suzanne June 11, 2009 at 9:54 am

Wow, this post just took my breath away….it was just what I needed to hear today, an affirmation that action opens doors. I am so happy for you and can’t wait for more announcements and to be someday be singing along with one of your songs on the raido!!!

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ByJane June 11, 2009 at 11:48 am

Your excitement is palpable–and contagious!

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Ree June 11, 2009 at 11:49 am

Oh Jennifer. I can’t tell you how excited I am that you’ve connected with some people who can help you (or whom you can help) on this journey. Best wishes and body parts crossed here in sisterhood.

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tysdaddy June 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm

I’ve done some of that . . . knocking on the door of the Universe . . . but no one ever seems to be home. But I keep plugging along . . .

Congrats, my friend. Keep writing . . .

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jenrantsraves June 11, 2009 at 5:10 pm

I am really glad that you are taking steps to make your dream a reality, and I hope new doors continue to be opened for you! Keep going…

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Jessica June 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm

congrats Jen. I am so so proud of you. And you are right those sentences say A LOT!

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the mama bird diaries June 11, 2009 at 8:43 pm

That’s so cool and so much more fun than packing!

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PAPA June 11, 2009 at 8:51 pm

Jennifer so glad I found you thru the T Rowe Price project. Your fast becoming one of my fave’s!

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Jenn @ Juggling Life June 11, 2009 at 9:28 pm

The songwriting thing make so much sense because your writing has a lyrical quality to it even when you are writing prose.

I will be proud to say, “I knew her when.”

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flutter June 11, 2009 at 11:06 pm

this looks so good on you

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nicole June 12, 2009 at 7:52 pm

wow. How absolutely wonderful for you. I can’t wait to go back and explore the links!

This is one of those posts I’m going to bookmark so that I can read it whenever I need to experience the moment someone begins to come in to her own. I have goose-bumps! Reading your post was like taking a drink of pure water when I didn’t know I was parched.

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anymommy June 13, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Wonderful news. Letting other people see your work is one of the hardest steps to take. I am so happy you’re there!

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